I regret to inform you that it looks like I will have to end my relationship with you. I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but the reality is this has been building up since approximately last August. You see it took me by surprise as well, not expecting to be taken over emotionally, physically and mentally by this but I have to come to terms with the reality and I am letting you all know why this is happening.
You see it all started with an email, an email providing some free content, which I started reviewing one late afternoon — but the problem quickly came to light when I didn’t sleep for three days as a result of this review. This impacted my bubbly personality, my ability to organize and plan, cook dinner and even remember appointments. This feeling was strange to me, never having experienced it before in my life, that I didn’t really know what it was. But the truth is it didn’t stop…I continued to request more of this content, and more…over the weeks and months that followed, I went through periods of complete disamay, frustration, sadness and happiness. I began to feel things I never felt before,and it was shocking and hot at the same time! The impact to my family at times was chaotic at other times fantastic – of course all related to what was happening in the printed materials. I also noticed that my interests had suddenly changed, I started shopping more at hardware stores purchasing chains, and ropes and other devices I don’t feel comfortable to mention. My dreams were overtaken by positions, I cannot mention but I am sure even gymnasts would have issues with.
As days became weeks and weeks became months the problems only grew, more and more. The group of women that I do these reviews with began to open up and indicate the same symptoms as me. This should have been a sign that we were getting in deep, but none of us listened. At first we thought it was a minor problem, seeing one of us become more of an editor and constantly balancing content with writting techniques, but that was short lived. The other began to show symptoms of purposely planning hockey games and babysitting so she could continue to read. One even became an addict to the point that we don’t believe she has slept in 40 days, her symptoms seem to have gotten worse and the others have begun to discuss possible medication or institutions we may need to send her to. Although my symptoms are not to the same extent, the truth is I feel like I am not to far behind her. I am starting to lose track of positions, men, bodies, tattoos and find myself spending endless hours updating spreadsheets, bookmarking pages and writing questions. My coffee intake has increased from a large, to extra large to a pot each day, and that’s just before noon. When secret meetings happen I feel stress and anxiety at times like I can’t breathe because I can’t remember the part of the book –” was it with the strawberries on the counter top or the ice cubes in the bed…who restrained who which way and exactly how did that swing work again”
As I look ahead to 2013, and review my spreadsheets and lists, I have come to the realization that a decision must be made…a tough one! This did not come easy, but I know I need to do something before I get carried away. So I quit…the reality is Christian, Kellan, Travis, James, Jake, Lucas, Jackson, Jason, Giddeon, all need me and thats not to mention the next releases that are slowly coming out and torturing me and the new men I still need to read about.
I apologize in advance for the fact that I don’t want to cook, clean, wash, work or taxi anyone around..but at my ripe hot age I need to start making decisions for me, so I am deciding to read! I can only hope you understand, but you see all of these men in writing have all told me that I am theirs, even though they refer to me by different names I know they are speaking to me directly, it’s just in code.
I wish you all the best of luck. If in 6 months you don’t hear from me, look up Books Anonymous or the Crazy Book People Institute for addicts, as I am sure thats where we will all be.
Thank you
